Warning Signs

All the protection in the world would mean nothing without the use of common sense and knowing what to look out for. Children 8 years old and even younger are getting online and into chat rooms, the places a predator might lurk. Contrary to what you may believe, boys and girls are both at risk! You absolutely cannot start teaching your kids Internet safety soon enough.

Predators specifically target children who are depressed, have few friends or other social problems, or have problems at home because they present vulnerabilities. You can't rectify any of those overnight, but working to help your child be happy and working problems out at home will definitely reduce your child's risk.

The first thing you should teach your kids about being safe online, is that predators sound like scary people. Take a look at some of the people at Family Watch Dog. You'll find that most look quite ordinary! Online predators have the added burden of needing to be very friendly, and they are... right up until meeting face-to-face and your child is isolated.

There is a basic time line of how a relationship between a predator and your child will develop:

• Friendship - The stage where the predator is building comfort with your child. Their goal here is to get out of the 'Stranger' zone and be an acquaintance. Aside from pulling the plug to their computer and turning your home into a prison, there isn't much you can do about this. The main thing for your child to look out for is age. If the person your child is talking to is in their teens or older, they should be cautious.
  
• Risk Assessment - This is the point where the red flags should start emerging. They might ask where the computer is in the house. If it's in their room, they don't have to worry about someone looking over their shoulder. Or they may ask how often they're alone. They'll try to determine if your child has any resentment toward you, which is an extremely exploitable vulnerability because your child is less likely to openly discuss what they're doing online. Your child may even engage in risky behavior just out of spite!
• Exclusivity - Once the predator feels safe, they will try to isolate themselves from the rest of the crowd by paying compliments or offering gifts. They will also make themselves seem like the greatest thing since sliced bread. This is when they are gaining your child's trust and admiration.
• Sexualization - A predator may sexualize conversations at this point. The aim here is to pique your child's interest in sex. They will make sexual topics seem normal and commonplace. They might send sexual pictures in an attempt to arouse your child. If the predator is particularly vicious, this phase may not even occur because of what they have planned for their first meet.
• Meeting - The whole process until this point may take anywhere from a single conversation to several months of talking back and forth. Setting up a meeting will most likely consist of them ensuring your child will be alone, and they will likely stress that you be kept out of the loop - for any made-up reason. They might want to meet in a public place the first time in order to seal your child's trust. From this point forward, however, things will rapidly move toward abuse.

Without risk assessment and sexualization, you're left with a progression of events that could very well reflect that of a normal romantic relationship between similarly aged people (speaking in terms of your child being a teen). If you take out exclusivity too, all you have is a plain old friendship being formed.

In times past, it has been preached and taught and pounded into parents' heads that under no circumstances should you ever allow your child to meet someone online. I agree wholeheartedly if your child is young, but you may not have as much luck enforcing this with teenagers. With technology progressing as it has, that's becoming less and less of an option. The main reason is the Internet exposes you to millions of users, in contrast to the dozen or so friends your child might make traditionally in their lifetime. With this many options, finding friends has been made easier. Your child will want to meet people they met online. However, as a parent, it is entirely your decision.

Permitting your child to develop relationships online and take them offline may seem scary as hell, but if you conditionally permit this, your child will be far less likely to keep you totally in the dark. Meet the person and determine their intentions yourself. If they throw up any red flags, drill deeper, and let your child know why you think the person's intentions are not in their best interest. These visits should remain supervised at all times. If your child is a teenager, dates should be chaperoned just like any other date.

Online predators will seldom agree to meet a parent. Tell your children that you'd be happy to let them meet someone after you've met them yourself. "I'm not good with parents," is a cop-out, and your child must insist on it. Further avoidance is a clear-cut indicator that they don't want anyone to know who they are or what they intend to do.